Monday, March 16, 2009

Mancat Monday

Taking it Like a Mancat
(a.k.a. A trip to the vet)
By Sir Tristan Tabby Cat Longtail


"I have a red and sore bum", I meowl. "And this does not make me happy!"
"I have a red and sore bum and you are putting me in a cat carrier," I moewl. "And this does not make me happy!"
"I have a red and sore bum and you have put in an inescapable cat carrier," I meowl. "And this does not make me happy!"

Get me out of this freakin' box!


"You are putting me and the cat carrier and my red and sore bum in the car," I meowl. "And this is not making me any happier!"
"OMG! You are driving me in the cat carrier in the car with my red and sore bum and I HATE moving vehicles," I Meowl, and meowl, and meowl, and meowl, and MEROW, and RROOWWWW (and on and so forth for the next five miles.)
"The Car is smoking badly and is about to catch on fire with me in an inescapable cat carrier with a red and sore bum and I'm travel sick and this is NOT making me happy," I scream at the top of my voice!
"Oh, thank Bast! Oh, thank Bast! Get me out of this cat carrier," I meowl. "The car has stopped moving."

Get me out of this freakin' box!


(Oh no, you have put me with my red and sore bum in the inescapable cat carrier in a waiting room full of dogs. And I'm not going to moewl, no I'm not, because they will eat me!)
(Oh hai. That lady just called me handsome. Maybe this isn't all bad.)
"Oh no! Oh no! The cat carrier is in flight again!" I moewl. "Where are you taking me!"
(Oh no. I know this place and I'm not going to moewl. As it's the VET'S office and I don't want to call attention to myself.)
(Oh no. The lady vet has just walked into the room. Maybe if I scrunch up against the side of his cat carrier, she won't notice me and my red and sore bum.)

Get me out of this freakin' box!
How come everyone keeps asking if my name is "Budweiser"?


(Oh, great. Thank you. Grabbed by the scruff of the neck and dragged from the carrier against my will by the massage therapist.)
(Traitor! I thought you liked me!)
"The lady vet is feeling me up!" I meowl loudly in protest!
"YOU'VE JUST STUCK SOMETHING UP MY RED AND SORE BUM!" I SCREAMOEWL! "AND THAT HURTS!"
(Oh, thank Bast! Oh, thank Bast! I can go back to hiding in the cat carrier now.)
"You are putting me and the cat carrier and my red and sore bum in the car," I meowl. "And this is not making me any happier!"

Get me out of this freakin' box!


"OMG! You are driving me in the cat carrier in the car with my red and sore bum and I HATE moving vehicles," I Meowl, and meowl, and meowl, and meowl, and MEROW, and RROOWWWW (and on and so forth for the next five miles.)
"We are home, We are home!" I moewl happily, and promptly vanish for the next eight hours.

"You were mean to me," I purr to the massage therapist, "And took me someplace bad."
"But I forgive you, and am happy sitting on you with my red and leaky bum, as long as you give me a massage!"
"This makes me happy," I purr.

"What do you mean, I have to take a pill?"

4 comments:

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Abby & Stygia said...

Awww, poor Tristan... you need a good snuggle, don't you?

Purrs,
Abby Normal

Daisy said...

Poor Tristan! I hope your red and sore bum is feeling better by now!

VampyVictor said...

Ohh Tris... poor guy... there is nothing worse than a red and sore bum :((
I hope that your pills work and you got plenty of massages.
I is purring for you man :)
V-V